21 July 2018 — 0356 mdt
Pistol packin’ teacher, lay that pistol down
School supplies are on sale in the big box stores, where underpaid teachers use their own money to buy school supplies their schools are too cheap to buy. But while some teachers are stocking up on notebooks and Crayons, others are stocking up on bullets for the sidearms they’ll be carrying when classes begin, and spending their summer at private training ranges learning how to shoot and kill people. Their training will instill in them confidence, probably overconfidence, that they’re proficient in a skill that’s perishable and best left to law enforcement officers who train constantly. What could possibly go wrong? For starters, the scenario in the lyrics below.
The school board wanted big iron,
On every teacher’s hip,
So students would be safer,
And not give teachers lip.
Lay that pistol down, Teach,
Lay that pistol down,
Pistol packin’ teacher,
Lay that pistol down.
So Joe the civics teacher,
Brought his Glock to school,
Said, “Kids, now you’re much safer,
No one will with me fool.”
Joe looked out his classroom,
Saw a shadow on the wall,
Thought it was a shooter,
Sneaking down the hall.
Chorus
Joe shushed his students quickly,
Then cocked his trusty Glock,
Fired blindly ’round the corner,
But only hit the clock.
Joe’s next shot hit the hard floor,
Began to ricochet,
It slammed into Joe’s left foot,
’Fore he could dance away.
Chorus
The shadow was a student’s,
Who was tardy but unarmed,
He sneaked past Joe the shooter,
Shaken but unharmed.
Joe was not so lucky,
As the tardy lad,
Joe left school in a wheelchair,
His big toe hurtin’ bad.
Chorus
Now, listen all you teachers,
To this sad tale of woe,
When scared men shoot at shadows,
They bleed like teacher Joe.
Leave the pistol packin’,
To the sheriff and police,
Stick to chalk and talkin’,
Let the experts keep the peace.
Chorus